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A Message from Tiffany Bass Bukow, Founder of
MsMoney.com:
Throughout my life, I have enjoyed significant financial
success and endured surprising financial failure. Dealing
with the success was easy. Dealing with the failure
was not, especially when it was unexpected. I have had
to challenge my values and work hard to continue to
succeed while learning from failure. And I discovered
that friends who had been in similar circumstances were
my greatest source of motivation.
I hope that MsMoney.com's Success Stories provide
you with the same inspiration I received from my friends.
Each week, we will profile a remarkable woman who has
confronted financial obstacles and overcome challenges
to lead a happy, financially secure, and meaningful
life.
If you'd like to share your success story, please e-mail
us at editor@msmoney.com.
You Can't Please Everyone
…So You've Got to Please Yourself
By Kara Stefan
 As
far as I'm concerned, falling in love is the only legitimate
reason to get married. I've had to readdress that philosophy
several times in my life, but I'm resolute. At 23, I discovered
that I was pregnant--the result of a yearlong relationship
that was going nowhere. I was thrilled--but no one else was.
My third trimester was endured in 100-degree heat and sweltering
Savannah humidity while all of my loved ones told me I was
throwing my life away. I just wanted to pick out baby furniture
like other first-time moms.
Having declined marriage, I picked up my two-month old son
and moved from the smothering comfort of my parent's home
to Southern California--land of opportunity and, more importantly,
mild weather.
I had a college education, a deep-seeded love of children,
and perfect clarity about what I was doing. That I didn't
have a job, car, place to live, or relatives nearby were just
details that needed to be worked out. My money ran out when
my son turned six months, and that's when I went out looking
for a job. I got laid off not long after that.
I landed my next job with only $200 left in my checking account.
It was a helluva job in a completely male-dominated company,
where women were considered no better than vermin. I was young
and not well armed for this type of discrimination. About
every other month I revised my letter of resignation but couldn't
afford to turn it in. Every few weeks I would sit on my bed,
try to pay my bills, refigure how much debt I owed, and just
have a good cry.
But I used that job to learn everything I could. No one understood
advertising and marketing in the company, so I made sure I
did. I read books, subscribed to newsletters and trade journals,
begged to go to seminars, and management obliged most of the
time. I assumed tons of responsibility that they were happy
to heap on, despite the fact that I was being paid in what
was termed "sunshine dollars."
Performance reviews are interesting. Managers seem to take
this opportunity to pile on a lot of negative feedback you've
never heard before in order to avoid giving you a raise. This
was the first time I learned how powerful my skills as a writer
could be. While I didn't have the nerve to defend myself or
talk back to my boss during our meeting, I lambasted him in
the evaluation form section that read, "What can your supervisor
do to improve your job performance?" I produced a two-page,
single spaced, typewritten diatribe against idiotic managers.
It turned out the president of the company read all reviews,
got a big kick out of mine, and promoted me to department
head working directly under him. It also turned out that this
move meant jumping from the frying pan into the flames, but
that's another story.
I changed jobs every two years for the next ten. I would
translate the experience I got but didn't get paid for at
one job to a bigger salary at the next. I soaked up knowledge
from coworkers and vendors and every internal and external
source I could find.
No matter how poor I thought I was, I always participated
in my employer's 401(k) plan, considering the additional money
they contributed as supplemental pay for a job well done.
And I always kept my objectives at the forefront: Keep writing,
don't burn bridges, prove myself, work towards getting the
payment and respect I deserve, leave the office at five o'clock,
and quit while I'm ahead.
Now I have my dream job as a freelance writer. My preteen
son is turning out just the way I'd hoped, probably because
I've always spent so much time with him. We moved back to
the South a couple of years ago, bought our first home, and
live in relatively grand style on what I make as a sole provider.
My parents are my biggest fans, and my friends from high school
and college who are just getting around to having children
regard me with newfound awe--finally understanding what I
went through on my own.
Men have come and gone over the course of my life. I never
married any of them, but there were some good ones worth considering.
But since I succeeded by staying focused on my original objectives
in my professional life, I figure my approach will work for
my personal life as well.
I guess everybody has song lyrics that echo throughout their
lives, like a background chorus. Mine is a quiet refrain from
Ricky Nelson's "Garden Party": "Well I'm alright now. I've
learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone
so you've got to please yourself."
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