Rolling the Boulder Up The Hill

No matter how often I read about myself I other people's websites, I never quite get used to it. The profile of me seems to describe someone else. Though it is my life, it sometimes seems too good to be true. Perhaps never believing what the press writes about me is what keeps me on my toes and pursuing more greatness.

I read an interview about Howard Stern last month in Esquire. No I am not a fan of his, however I think it is important to study someone who raked in a half a billion dollar media deal. Not million - billion. I could write a whole book about how Howard's rise could be our demise as a society. But today I won't go there.

What Howard said the secret to his success was that regardless of how much fame and fortune he assessed his ego just didn't find it enough. Instead, like Sisyphus in Greek Mythology, he rolls the huge boulder up the hill for eternity - always struggling. Howard attributes this personality flaw to his unquenchable childhood desire to please an absent father.

I wonder ... is this my problem too? Who am I trying to please? Am I doing too much and sacrificing myself in the process? Is the boulder too heavy for my soul to bear? Is my desire to change the world so strong for the world's sake or my own? Doesn't a part of me (maybe that little girl looking for approval) really need to have the fame that goes with all the good that I do? Does that make the goal any less worthy because it is attached to my ego?

Maybe it is time to give the boulder a break and let it just sit on the ground for a while. Isn't there someone else out there who will pick up it? Someone with more socially redeeming goals then Howard. Someone?